Before you read, stop.
This post is very emotional and it's super long.
I used my phone to type this.
It's not related to MMD or any otaku stuff, its all about me.

A short & simpler way to end this :

If you didnt see me reply your messages or notes, it means l am not in deviantart anymore until then. you could say l will be MIA-ing.

When am l coming back?
It will be very long...
Anyway, goodbye followers, its nice having you guys around even though l have no idea who u guys are.

To know more about why and what happened, feel free to continue reading.

_________________________________________________________________________

As the title said, yes l'm won't be here anymore until then.

Probably you won't understand how l'm feeling right now, or maybe you won't.
I'm lost, my mind is completely blank.
I can't think, 'cause l'm kind of screwed up inside.

I cried again and again.
Words could not describe how l feel.
How unexpected.
I'm crying on my second elder brother's birthday.
I should be carrying a smile,
but instead l am speechless, having a very bitter facial expression all day.
l couldnt stop my tears when l was in the bed.
It's a very depressing moment for me.
I had a very bad headache after crying so long.
I couldn't even believe what l saw.
When l woke up yesterday, l hope it was all a dream. I didnt bother to wake up at all. I carried on sleeping until 12.45pm.
Its been 3 days... And l still couldnt get myself together.
I couldnt face both my elder bro for what had happened.

I felt as if my life is over.
But people keep saying " Cheer up. It's not the end of the world."
I could never understand how they can say it out so easily.
The world seems to be falling apart.

I keep trying to think..
And my parents told me to repeat another year.
Teachers and my friend told me to retake as well.
My results seems too overwhelming for me to look at it anymore.
I keep thinking...what if..? What if l didn't make it again..?
My maths got the worst grade among my other subjects.
It can't go any lower anymore.
I hate myself....
I do not know how am l gonna live anymore, but one thing for sure l know...
It will be practicing doing my maths nonstop.
It will be crazy yet tiring year again.
NO MORE GAMING.
NO MORE MMD OR WHATEVER.
NO MORE SLACKING ANYMORE.
Fk my life.

I went to see my English teacher in the staff room as told by my form teacher. she came out from the door & asked me how l'm doing.
I showed a bitter face, and what she has told me seems to be stuck in my head, echoeing the phrases in my mind.

"Sometimes life can't be sugar and rainbow. We have to face the reality.
Life is hard, it's not that simple. If it's simple, life would be too easy and it would be too boring, right?"

I felt like crying when l heard it. I know these words, its not lile l never heard of it.
But to make myself realize that it actually do happen.

She told me that my art is great, and l could draw very well.
I told her that l know that...
She told me it's such a waste that l shouldn't be getting  a B3 for art.
I guess that there are too many students who are better than me.
The teacher began to tell me that l am looking down on myself.
And i told her that l agree...l have a low confident of myself.
It's really hard for me especially when l can't really say for sure l will be able to score better results if l retake.
She asked me what's my weakest subject, and l told her it's maths.
She even ask me will l be able to do it again if l retake,
I told her l'm really not sure since l'm okay with coping other subject except maths. 'cause l told her l'm not really sure if l could get a decent pass for it.
My teacher shake her head and told me  that l could do it. You can.
I keep having doubt on myself and l want to forget everything.
This feeling...it kills me.  
Do u know this feeling?
11 years of education...
I've never had a repeat in my life.
I have to retake my 'O' level year again.
I may be smiling abit, but l'm dying on the inside.
I'm just faking a smile.

I'm not totally a playful child that caused my result to become like this. The bellcurve has increased quite high due to the fact that everyone has done well for the particular subject. So l'm guessing that its part of the bellcurve's fault that my grade has pulled my grades down so bad!!!! FML.

I don't know what might happen to me in the future, but all l can say is that l wont be in deviantart until l finish another major exam again.
Probably near November l will be back.

Sorry people...l will be MIA-ing (Missing In Action) from now on.
Sadly, l won't be touching MMD and PMD editor as well.
Or l should say l won't be touching the computer anymore from now on even in june holiday as well. Unless l'm using for school emergency work.

While reading this, l will also be putting my pose DL to public, so it means there wont be password now. So all l could say is, please... Please read and respect the rules and always credit me. It's not that hard.

As a advice to those who are taking 'O' level or taking major exams...
Don't think about taking this path if you think you're not determine enough to study hard.
It'll be a tiring year for you. It's twice as hard as 'N' level.
You wont be able to withstand the pressure if you are not those studying type of person.
To get into your dream course, it's not that easy, unless u work harder than others to achieve what you want.
Therefore, if u plan to take O level, you better make sure you study and don't procastinate...if not don't regret...

Therefore, this is all l can say.
I will deal with the passwords for the mmd pose dl stuff tmr.
That will be my last update for writing on the DL decription.
I wrote this for too long. In my phone, l need to recharge it.

See you guys again around in mid November

Thanks for reading.

I bet l will be having 600+ messages like last year when l come back. Hahas

~Xinshin